7 days to go.
Focus. Focus. Focus.
You shall pass.
That red-hot Mitsubishi Lancer Ralliart can wait.
Focus. Focus. Focus.
The NBA and basketball can wait.
Focus. Focus. Focus.
Facebook, Naruto and other mangas can wait.
Focus. Focus. Focus.
You shall cross the finish line because you wanted to, not for someone else.
Ganbatte!!
14th February. Valentine’s Day.
It was exactly one year ago, I gifted a stalk of rose to you.
I was hoping for many good and happy things to come. But it didn’t exactly conlude the way I like it to be. We did share some good times and some memorably bad times of me.
On the eve of Valentine’s this year, I got a gift back from you. Though it wasn’t exactly the gift I hoped for, but it was a very nice gesture for you to have a sincere heart to heart talk to close this chapter of my life.
Thank you very much, Michelle 
~.~.~.~.~
A year ago, to you I gifted,
A stalk of rose with leaves unwilted,
Signed,my name, my feelings embedded,
In a long white box, sincerely presented.
Months had passed, the flower might’ve wilted,
But not my will as my cold heart melted,
Swept by warmth , my winter ended,
Warmed by love, my darkness lifted.
In months to come, we shared many a laughter,
Through wines and dines, secrets we bartered,
Doubts I do have but I did not falter,
In pursuit of a happiness to last the ever after.
Hard I tried, a sea I sundered,
To move your heart but it only quivered,
Sad I was, my heart all but rended,
The winter came, alone I shivered.
Twice you rejected but the third is the key,
A glass I see half full is now all empty,
A sweet dream I hoped but it wasn’t meant to be,
A dream to be shared between you and me.
What do you, nurse, what do you see?
Are you thinking when you look at me -
A crabbed old woman, not very wise,
Uncertain of habit with far away eyes
Who dribbles her food and makes no reply
When you say in a loud voice – “I do wish you’d try.”
Who seems not to notice the things that you do
And forever is losing a stocking or shoes,
Who resisting or not, lets you do as you will
With bathing and feeding, the long day to fill.
Is that what you’re thinking , is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse. You’re not looking at me.
I’ll tell you who I am as I sit here so still.
As I move at your bidding, eat at your will.
I’m a small child of ten with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters who love one another;
A young girl of sixteen with wings on her feet,
Dreaming that soon a love she’ll meet;
A bride at twenty, my heart gives a leap;
At twenty-five now I have young of my own
Who need me to build a secure, happy home.
A woman of thirty, my young now grow fast,
Bound together with ties that should last.
At forty, my young sons have grown up and gone,
By my man’s beside me to see I don’t mourn.
At fifty once more babies play around me knee-
Again we know children, my loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead.
I look at the future, I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing young of their own,
And I think of the years and the love that I’ve known.
I am an old woman now and nature is cruel.
‘Tis her jest to make old age look like a fool.
The body it crumbles, grace and vigor depart.
There’s a stone where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass a young girl still dwells,
And now again my bittered heart swells.
I remember the joys, I remember the pain
And I’m loving and living life over again.
I think of the years, all too few, gone too fast,
And accept the stark fact that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, nurse, open and see
Not a crabbed old woman,
Look closer – see me!
-Author unknown-
Business class – one of the luxury in the world that requires quite a significant financial outlay for a long distance travel. I have just flown for the first time in business class for the flight home for Chinese new year. Now a few thoughts about it.
I have been weighing the option for a few days now. I got a week off in between my ICU shifts and made a last minute decision to fly home for Chinese New Year celebration. I did manage to secure an economy class ticket for the flights home. But the return flight timing was not ideal, jetting off on the 3rd night of CNY back to Melbourne. There are flights available on the business class though, allowing more options. But the price is pretty steep, easily three times the price of the economy class.
In the end, I’ve decided to bite the bullet, snapping the up last business class seat for the return flight back to Australia 24 hours later than my previous flight, touching down a mere 7 hours before the start of my next shift. Whether that extra 24 hours is worth the price will always be called into question.
My first flight in business class in one of the world’s best airline did not totally blow me away. I realised a few things during the flight.
Flying business class is a little bit lonely unless you are traveling in a pair. There is a lack of closeness between the seats, although its one of the class’s selling point. Even if you are flying with your significant other, you can’t snuggle up to him/her, or resting your head on his/her shoulder. Flying in a larger group is even lonelier. Can’t really chat with your friend who is only 2-3 seats away from you in the economy class.
Business class just lacks humanity.
Business class made you feel like a king, although you might not feel comfortable being one. I do know that the stewardess were just doing their jobs and excelling in it. But, I realised I don’t feel comfortable being waited on. I am one who would prefer ordering straight from the guy making roti canai at the mamak stall or going to the crew stations to ask for things. I prefer to go after things than things coming to me. A surprise considering that I think I am a pretty lazy person.
You can’t stick your nose to the window in business class. I realised there is quite a distance and gizmo between you and the window. My preference had always been the windows seats whenever I fly just because I like looking out the window – the flaps and ailerons moving to the tune of the input from the pilot, picturing the dances of the pilots’ hands and fingers across the instruments puppetting a giant metal bird, the breaking of dawn across the floor of clouds – to name a few. Sticking my nose to the window, allows me a wider view on the going ons outside the aircraft.
The plus side? It has a bed where you can try to steal some rest if your schedule is that hectic. Like this trip home where time is bit of a premium between exam, work and family.
It has a power board which can power your laptop if you do need it for the duration off your trip. Lotsa leg room and….errrr… You get better service and…err…well…
One thing the airlines would never do to promote their business class:
“It’s nothing personal, it’s just business.”
Arrivederci.
The weather was good.
The breakfast was filling.
Then my heart died a little.
Life goes on.
Ganbatte, Xiao!
You can do it!
You are a genius!
You will pass the exam and enjoy the year!
2011…
….. is the first year I am working as a registrar. Steep learning curve, no less. More of a clinical decision maker, than a jobs monkey. Much more stress but overall had been a really good experience.
….. I have joined the local basketball league, chasing my passion.
….. I have gotten my permanent residency.
….. I am glad to have expanded my circle of friends here and back home, even by a tiny little bit. Some of them, I’ve grown pretty close to. Special thanks to cheap alcohol in Tioman too! Hahaha.
….. I’ve attended a few weddings, one was a crazy 36 hours turn around to Kuala Lumpur and back.
….. I am getting to know her a little better, and probably her of me. I shall see how things pan out in 2012. She was more dismissive before, but things seem to have improved. Fingers crossed, things will work out well. No harm hoping
….. I’ve picked up a new hobby :- RC helicopter. Broken at the moment. I promise I will fix them once I’ve cleared my exam.
….. I did not manage to do any swimming.
….. I mended a broken friendship just before the year ended. Having not spoken for 4 months, and leaving each other on a bad terms, both of us sat down and chatted for six hours across 3 venues about almost everything under the sun. Hate to say, that Monkey, though forgetful a lot of times, had been one of my closest friends. And she just had to set a record on my Bejeweled 2!
…. the youngest pig in the family came to study in Melbourne, sponsored by the great me. High distinction wei, don’t play play.
…. the first time I’ve been asked to give a statement for a coroner’s inquest. Haven’t heard back from them. Hope it’s nothing serious.
…. I think I treated my interns/minions pretty well. I’ve been pretty lucky to get pretty capable and enthusiastic interns under my wing.
…. I had a taste what an intensivist’s work would involve. Honestly, I love it!
2011 had been a year of “doing” for me. Want something? Just do it.
What to look for 2012?
…. I shall aim to pass my FRACP part 1 and part 2. Though, preparations had been less than ideal thus far.
…. Getting my Oz driving license.
….. consolidate on things I’ve done e.g. basketball, RC heli,
….. lose weight (an annual recurrence) I believe I have to work harder on this the coming year. A BMI of 29+ is life threatening. Aim to lose 5 kg by midyear 10 kg by end of year.
….. hope to make more progress in my social life. Perhaps good thing will come out of this, whatever the outcomes.
…. I will be standing in as a Cardiology registrar. Albeit a little bit daunting, I hope this will give me an insight into another specialty I have my eyes on. Keeping interpersonal and professional relationship separate would be a challenge.
…. shall aim to reward myself with a new car when I pass my exam – a car with moonroof!
….. possible another holiday with my family, sponsored by the Dr. Siaw in UK of course Japan? Korea? America? Spain?
Arrivederci.